Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
