worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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