Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its not stalking. its research.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
