He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
