Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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