Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
