she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
