grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
