I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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