He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
