I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
