Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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