Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
