Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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