ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
