I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize