Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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