my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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