Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
