Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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