You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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