Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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