I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
