Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
