He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
