Me. At least after what I've been through.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
