Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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