Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
