Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
