Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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