i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
