I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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