here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
