youre lurking in front of me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
only you would photoshop your dick
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
