Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
