My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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