you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
