What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
