so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize