Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
