I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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