i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize