It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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