i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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