homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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