im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please don't give away my fajitas
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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