Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
