pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
