she woke up with a sticky ear
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
