im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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