I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
