Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
