Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
