We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
