You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
