i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize