how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
