Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
