Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All the doctor said was why
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
