she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize