I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
