why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
