Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
