Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
