omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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