So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
