so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize