we're blogging at a bar
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize