Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
