I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
