Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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