Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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