id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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