Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
