How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
