:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
