I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
