I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
