She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize