Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think my mom watched the whole time
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
