Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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