Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize