I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you would pick up someone in the library
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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