I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
