fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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