Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
