i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
