I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
