so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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