Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
