So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
