I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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