Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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