there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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