I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can I color on your dick again?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
