So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He kissed a someone with a penis
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
