You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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