Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
