Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
